confession from bonesee who is grateful for Bonnie

yesterday I read a private message from most wonderful ever,quit smoking, Bonnie- asking me what my quit anniversary was so she wouldn't forget to congratulate me. That kind inquiry was hard to take since (gulp) I bought a pack of cigarettes last Saturday night due to being totally stressed out and also due to being a weakling and a wimp. I still had cigarettes in the pack yesterday and I even smoked a cigarette yesterday morning just minutes before I read Bonnie's kind inquiry. Can you imagine how low I felt? I found this board back in July and vowed to quit smoking. I am ashamed and embarrassed to admit that I have failed to follow the excellant advice many of you have given me: NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF. Since July I have taken puffs off of other people's cigarettes on several occasions, borrowed cigarettes on several occasions,smoking cessation, and even (cringe) boughten packs of my own on several occasions. I always got furious with myself after smoking a few cigarettes and Thank God and the people on this board, destroyed the remaining cigarettes in the pack before I could smoke those too. Then I would go many weeks without smoking again. After reading Bonnie's message yesterday, I once again destroyed the remaining cancer sticks in my possession. I thought long and hard about how to respond to Bonnie as I admire her so much. I never gave myself an anniversary because I didn't deserve one. I apologize to myself and every person on this board for my failure. I also reaffirm my pledge to never take another puff. I am now giving myself an anniversay. My anniversary is December 18, 2007, thanks to Bonnie's private message. I am tired of torturing myself. "Dabbling" with cigarettes is like playing with dynamite.