2010年7月23日星期五
Day 3- Amazing day!!!
First off can I start by saying that Im so sorry I am posting so much and not commenting on other peoples. Although I do read the majority of them I don't feel like I have much to offer in the way of advice yet...soon though! Today was absolutely amazing!!!! It started off totally normal, pretty much like the last two days. I had cravings on and off. I went and bought something to wear to work tomorrow (on the money i saved on ciggies these past couple days!). I was feeling pretty good but then...it started to look bad. I went over to my friend's house and we were hanging out. After an hour or so, another friend of ours joined us. Now, this second girl is one of my best friends, but a heavy smoker and she doesn't want to quit (and frankly I don't think she wants me to quit either). I was hanging out and I started to feel my mind cave in. i started to panic. My heart was racing. I wanted to come on here and SOS, but I didn't have that option. She drove me home and on the way she asked me if she bought a pack would I please have one with her. I told her in this quit the motto is not one puff ever. She tried to convince me that one little cig isn't going to do anything. She complained saying she wouldnt buy any if only she was smoking and that her drive would be stressful without one (guilting me into doing it). I almost said ok. I was.......SOOOOOOOOOOOO CLOSE! you dont even know! I actually said yes in my mind. My junkie mentally won. Then I turned to her and said,smoking cessation, "hold on a second,Herbal cigarettes, let me think" and so I closed my eyes and I thought. I thought about having to come to the boards and type to you all and say how I caved in and had one. I thought about how bad I would feel about myself because I told myself I was done. And even though I havent been quit for very long that I don't want to have to go through this again, along with all the guilt that came with being a smoker for me. So I opened my eyes and said "I can't. I really can't" and she got mad at me and all grumpy with me. I just said "im sorry. Dont be mad at me" and got out of the car and walked into my house. IM SO STINKING PROUD OF MYSELF ITS NOT EVEN FUNNY!!!!!!! Without this board I would have caved. I know I would have. I think I'm in this to win this!
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