totally screwed up!

Hey, I screwed up today big time and smoked 2 1/2 butts. I was nervous, quit taking my chantex(it makes me really sick), and wanted to go w/out it today. Unfortunately, I gave in when out w/ my husband. To be honest, I don't believe in the "magic pill" (chantex, just has too many side affects for me), and believe it has to be me and pure will power.The thing that sucks, is, I was on day 11 of my quit. I wasn't even going to post my huge screw up, but decided it would probably help me tomorrow. Okay, I have to express this, so here goes: First light up, I felt a bit dizzy and sick to my stomache, and guilty.Second, tasted bad, but I was feeling the rush, I felt happy. The last one 1/2, I felt guilt, bad taste and wondered why the heck I did it again?!Now, I will have to A. take the lousy pill tomorrow and suffer side affects, or B. no pill and go through the mind bending anxiety attacks! My own fault, and I will choose one of those options,stop smoking, because I refuse to go back to being chained to nicotine again. I'm not feeling sorry for myself, just a complete ass. You know, if cigs were illegal, it would be so much easier to quit. (fat chance of that happening, geez big bro and health care sure would lose tons of $$$$!)Well I do know, tomorrow shouldn't be too hard since I'll be in places and situations where smoking is banned and I have a new ride,quit smoking, and won't allow smoking in there, so for most of my day, I do know it won't be too hard to get back on track. It helps to read all the other posts and scary things on here about smoking. Plus, I can't stand the disappointment in my kids eyes over my being weak.Sorry this was so long, but I had to get this out in the "open".1ms.take