one of "them"

I keep pendulum swinging between the words "a smoker that is not smoking right now" and "one of them non-smokers". I can't call myself a non-smoker yet. I haven't earned that title yet. When will I? What is the criteria for that? I feel like I will always be a smoker, but maybe one who doesn't smoke. I used to consider myself one of a club or group. If you met someone who smoked you instantly liked them. I would strike up conversations in the outdoor outcast section all the time. People I know will maybe avoid me now because I won't be smoking. It is the same issue that alchoholics have. But after 28 years of smoking, I have no idea what it would be like to not be a smoker. To actually be treated with respect? To not have people look at me with disgust in the outdoor outcast section? Maybe not showing the world my weakness on the outside will make them treat me better? To be able to stand next to one of "them" and not be ashamed that I smell,quit smoking now, or am less than them? I don't remember what it feels like to not be an outcast,smoking cessation, but I want to find out. I am angry and determined to find out.